Dating is not for sissies. But let's not
forget, we're WOMEN, so let's fix those
love and dating conundrums, shall we?
Nothing is as frustrating as just not
getting that connection...and nothing is
as important as asking for directions!
Mailbag Day: Get answers for the most
frustrating love questions
Q. Hi Alexandra,
I am so glad I found you because I
really need help. I have been dating
this guy for over a year now. Perhaps I
shouldn't say dating... It is more like we
see each other every now and again and
we always sleep together.
In between, we will text and we are also
Facebook friends, so we stay in touch.
When we are together, things are
magical, but I know he is not really
into me because I don't hear from him
often in between.
I know this is not right, but I am so
hoping that he will start feeling about
me the way I feel about him if I am just
patients. Please help... Irene.
A. Irene, my dear...
I really, REALLY feel for you because
this happens to good and dear women just
like yourself WAY too often.
And don't get me wrong. I understand
your heart is in this and it is hard for
you to let go. I am, after all a woman
just like you, and I know how hard it is
to untangle your heart when you love a
man.
However, I am (based on vast experience)
a firm believer in arming yourself with
all the facts in any situation. And
although it is correct that a friends
with benefits situation almost never
lead to love, it does happen often
enough that women just like you hold out
for a guy.
Now let me just stop there. It also
often happens that women are in denial
about being in a friend with benefits
situation, and this just contributes to
the heartache from the get-go.
Unfortunately, since I don't know every
detail of your current situation, the
best possible advice I can give you is
to be extremely real with yourself about
the potential for a romantic
relationship here, because that is
ultimately what you deserve.
The REAL DEAL. Nothing less!
This is the only way you can be sure
what to do next so that you can have the
courage to either walk away from a
hopeless situation without getting any
more hurt than you already are...
OR, it will give you the secrets to turn
it around if the possibility exists that
you can be lovers and in love and all
the beautiful things that you need from
a real relationship.
Please do it. You owe it to yourself to
make sure what the best is for you. And
keep me posted on how it works out for
you!
Q. Dear Alexandra,
I am head over heals in love with an
incredible man, but he confuses me.
Things were going so well, but for the
past few months, he has gone quiet on
me.
I left him alone for a couple of days
right after this started happening, but
then I got concerned and sent him
several texts. I also tried to call but
got his vm.
I am not sure if he knows I love him,
because we have not said it to each
other yet, but I am very affectionate
with my texts and emails to him. I am
sure he knows how I feel. Then he sent
me a short text a couple of days ago
(more than a week after I left him the
vm) and he just said: Sorry, very busy."
Since he texted me I immediately texted
back to ask him what was wrong, but
again he didn't respond. I then, out of
pure desperation sent him a text in
which I asked him to call me.
I love him and I want to find out what
is wrong. He then just sent me a text "I
don't think we are on the same page."
Again I asked him why, trying to fix
this, but he said he just wants to be
friends.
My heart is so broken. I don't know what
happened... We have texted back and forth
a couple of times since then, but he is
very short with me now. Kimberley
A. Hi Kimberley,
I am so sorry your heart is broken.
Based on what little you told me in your
email about your relationship, my guess
is one of several things has happened.
Even if you didn't realize it, you may
have chased him. You could have been too
obvious and too quick with confessing
your love to him, which usually scares a
man off.
Or, perhaps he just reached a point
where he realized he is not really that
into you. Women often make the mistake
to think that when a guy shows a lot of
attention in the beginning that he may
be in love with her, but perhaps there
may just be a strong attraction, but
nothing more.
And like you, they often have no idea
why it happened or even where things
went wrong.
There is some good news though, and it
is that he clearly was attracted to you
at some point and you may just need to
tweak a few things to reignite his
passion for you. You really need to read
this book so that you then don't go make
the same mistakes.
It will also teach you how to cash in on
that attraction, because attraction is
fundamental to a great relationship. I
know this book will help you; you just
need to decide if he's worth it! ;)
Q. Hi Alexandra,
My boyfriend and I have been seeing each
other for almost two years. We really
love each other and I was hopeful that
we would eventually get married.
He has recently received a major
promotion at work, but it required
relocating to the other side of the
country. I am in Miami and he is now in
Seattle... I think only Alaska or Hawaii
would have been worse.
He started working there and the first
few months went OK. I also have a very
good job and making my mark in my
career, so it is not something I want to
give up either. My best option is to
also get transferred so that I can
eventually join him.
The forecast for that, however, doesn't
look good for the immediate future, and
we may live like this for at least the
next two years. I love him with all my
heart, Alexandra, and I am afraid of so
many things right now. I don't know if I
can do this.
What if I make it through the two years,
but him, being alone, starts seeing
someone else? (He is a very attractive
and very friendly guy, which is just two
of the things I so love about him...) Do I
get realistic and give up on this love
or do I try and make it through.
I don't want to get my heart broken but
this guy is my one and only. What do I
do? Please tell me... Missy.
A. Hi Missy,
Your email really touched me. I can hear
in your words that he is your one and
only... Oh, but that fear of
heartbreak...yikes.
There is no right or wrong answers here,
because a long-distance-relationship is
a tough thing to manage. But if the love
is worth it...then it is just SO worth it.
But it will certainly require a lot of
creativity, two people who REALLY care
about each other, and that belief that
this is indeed real lo
An LDR is a unique kind of relationship
that requires extra care and you really
need to know what you are letting
yourself in for and how to manage it.
For now, don't start worrying about
whether he would cheat on you...or will it
be "out of sight out of mind" for him,
and any of that nonsense.
Focus on you. Kick your shoes off, grab
something to sip on and read this book.
You just need to think this through from
all angles and this book will give you
the confidence to either love him over
time and distance, or say, you know
what, this is not how I want it.
But you will KNOW. Good luck, my dear,
I'm rooting for this love!
Q. Hi Alexandra,
I have been wanting to write this email
for the longest time...but I wasn't sure
you even read them so to put my heart on
paper like this seemed a little silly.
But here goes.
A year or so ago, just getting back into
the dating scene after my (young)
husband's passing after a car wreck, I
felt a little rusty after 10 years of
marriage.
And I constantly felt like there was a
little bit of a stigma to a widow, so I
decided to purchase your 77 Secrets of
Dating Confidence. It was such a good
idea to purchase that book because just
the fact that I knew I was doing
something to improve myself, already
boosted my confidence.
Things went okay for a few months after
that, and although I never quite found
Prince Charming, I did meet and made a
few really good male friends. Until one
night when I bumped into HIM, fell flat
on my face in love with HIM, and
although I had a marvelous amount of
confidence, I am quite sure I made every
mistake in the book of love
I just want to say thank you. It helped
me find my center again, dig back up my
confidence and I am about ready to dive
back in now (much MUCH wiser!) Thanks
for great advice! Juliana
A. Hi Juliana,
I love the success stories! I am such a
hopeless romantic sucker, that's for
sure!
I think from your story it is clear that
the first step of moving into the right
direction (regardless of the issue) is
to get real with yourself when you need
help. We are great at helping others,
but when we do something nice for
ourselves or follow some healthy advice,
there is this guilt switch that goes
off.
I unapologetically believe women are the
stronger sex because we know when to ask
for directions! Great job, the right guy
for you is just around the corner with
that unforgettable woman attitude you've
got going!
Yes, ladies, in that last email I
touched on a touchy subject...
You really need to do better to
yourself. If you just tend to that
beautiful inner goddess inside and keep
her healthy and beautiful, the right man
for you will take one look at you and
none of these love problems and
heartbreak stories will apply to you
anymore.
So ask yourself whether you are
struggling with similar issues in your
relationship and if you said yes, then
do something for yourself today. Forget
about the laundry for a few hours (it
will be there when you are done) and
just kick your feet up and read the book
that touched on your situation.
Sometimes all you need to fix a painful
situation is just a little bit of
perspective!
To the happiness you deserve,
Alexandra Fox
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